At the same time, my dad...who was married to my step-mom for 30 years, was telling me that he was involved with another woman. He was explaining this to me while I was recovering in the hospital. What do you say to this upon hearing it?
Three days after I got out of the hospital, our precious Evie became sick. At first, I thought she just wanted to stay home because grandma was there to take care of mom. Evie loved playing card games (Old Maid, Go Fish) with Grandma. We figured it would not hurt a thing to let her stay home...yet it quickly became apparent she was really sick. It started out as an upset stomach and diarrhea, then she couldn't keep anything down and wouldn't eat. Thank goodness Grandma was here, she even followed Evie to the bathroom. That's when Grandma noticed the blood in her stool. ........within 10 days our little girl died from e-coli/HUS.
I couldn't be there with her...I was recovering from hip surgery. My husband, sister-in-law, and his sister and her husband went to work as two teams. One team would be with her while the other team slept. My heart ached...community members stopped by or called frequently. People I didn't even know stopped by to pray with me. I just knew she would be home soon...until the phone call from her doctor. I am thankful for the moments I could share with her before she died.
A month later, my husband came down with a severe case of shingles. The breakout began on his neck and traveled up over his head, across his shoulder, and around the side of his face. This was the worst case the hospital had ever seen. My husband was in a quarantined hospital room, just like our little girl was only the month before. Fear of losing him was ever present in my mind.
A year has passed since this all began. During this year, I felt a bit mechanical; much like a robot. Afraid to feel emotion, I kept moving in ways to strengthen my family and our faith. My husband moved to the alter last summer during church and was baptized at the creek in front of my daughters home. Months later my son came home and told us he was saved during youth night at the church. Praying for my family and searching for ways to strengthen them has been my burden and my goal.
My dad has left my step-mom. It really breaks my heart; I hurt for her and for his loss. There is really nothing more to be said concerning this situation.
Coming out of this year of trials...I look for inner strength and ways to continue to grow closer to God. Somehow I stumbled upon the Proverbs 31 Women's ministry. An absolutely wonderful group of women. From that introduction, I found the on-line group of women reading the One Year Chronological Bible, lead by Wendy. With this group, it is OK to feel emotion again...although I somehow feel like the Willow Statue..not willing to reveal too much but wanting to feel safe to share.
Not one to really go anywhere without my family, I have gone out on a limb to sign up for the Women of Faith Conference in St. Louis...I am really looking forward to this! I have also signed up for the Digging Deeper Conference with Beth Moore and Kay Arthur. I have also signed up for free golf lessons...branching out of my safe zone and feeling ready to bloom.
I don't know what God has in store for me this year, but I do know that he will guide me through it.
6 comments:
Hi, this is Diane from Wendy's blog.
I am so glad God lead me here tonight. My sister in Christ, I don’t even know your name, but I sense your pain. My heart weeps for you tonight. This past year sounds like your have been through so many trials. God has brought you through them. It may not seem like it now, but one day you will be able to help someone else going through something very similar. It sounds like Evie knew she was loved right to the end of her short life here, what a precious gift.
It has been great getting to know the ladies on Wendy’s blog. I am glad you found P31, Women of Faith and Beth Moore. All of them are wonderful influences and I pray each blesses your life. It sounds like your life is beginning to reap some blessings with the salvation and baptism. God will never lead you down a path, where he won’t guide you.
I miscarried at 4 months, which is not like loosing an 8 year old. It was very painful and I planted a rose bush in her memory. Every year the week of Mother’s day I get 1, just 1, beautiful pink rose. It is as if she’s says “its ok mom, I’m with Jesus”. Then the rest of the summer I get lots of beautiful roses.
I am glad you are starting to step out a bit. Please stay with the group.
Blessings,
Diane
What a surprise, Diane. Your comments are really comforting. I came here this morning to delete the blog comments that I posted last night. I felt a bit vulnerable posting my life and thoughts.
Yet, maybe in making new friends I need to give a part of myself too. You're right,...I feel God is leading me down this new path...guess I just need to let Him be God.
The story of your rose bush is beautiful. I really believe that she was given a gift of eternal life with the Savior and didn't need to endure our life here on earth.
Thanks so much for stopping by...I really appreciate your visit.
Nancy Diane
Nancy,
Well, it is nice to meet you Nancy.
I am glad I stopped by and could say something of comfort.
It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there. Lots of fear of the unknown. I am glad that you were able to take the first step.
I also noticed you posted and put yourself out there a bit on Wendy's blog this morning. Aren't the women amazing?
Keep trusting the Father and take it one step at a time.
Blessings,
Diane
Nancy,
Whew...your open-ness has blown me away and I feel so close to you right now. I'll have to ditto everything Diane has already said. I, too, miscarried at about 5 months on May Day...16 years ago. I don't know how I could ever deal with loosing one of my boy's now tho. Sometimes I feel like my family has turned into my "idol," if that makes any sense. God has been helping me to "let go," while pursuing HIM and HIS will for my life. I LOVE our Chronologial Bible studies group. We have so much to learn from each other. Daily, we're in God's Word... and He is blessing us tremendously! Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I love you more dear sister knowing what you have had to deal with and how God is shining out of you STILL....
Lori - Mesa, AZ
PS
Is there a story behind "Lutie Mom," just wondered...
:)
Lori - Mesa, AZ
Hi Lori, It's really nice to meet you. Yes, there is a story behind, "Lutie Mom". Read my first post...that will explain it.
Again, so glad you stopped in! I can really relate with the "family has turned into my idol"...yet, I know we really needed each other. I am so glad to have mine, too.
Post a Comment